hope4recovery

wish my head would shut up

hope | January 29, 2009 07:44

its been a few weeks since ive been on here, all I seem to do when I come on here is moan about how things are, I  managed to abstain from purging for a few weeks but then the old thinking crept back in, i wish my head would be quiet once in a while.  its started again, the guilt after ive eaten, that little voice saying you've eaten to much you need to get rid, sometimes I wonder if it will ever stop, its seem like I can manage to for a few weeks and everything is great then slowly the voice comes alive again, ive had years of therapy, ive looked at the inner child and back through my child hood, ive identifed triggers and tried to put things in place, I know when it all started and I know i need to challenge that voice, why does it seem so bloody hard, when im doing ok I forget, the vioce isn't there, then from out of nowhere it comes back and stupidly I listen and its seem like ive fallen back into that dark hole again.

feels so lonely, I haven't told my partner what is going on for me, he's aware that Ive had my difficulties but believes that they are all in the past, and why shouldn't he believe that, I haven't particulary been honest, i don't like the sneeaky around, hiding in the bathroom with the tap running so I can purge. sometimes I feel a million miles away from him

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